An Intervention Conducted by a 12 Year Old

By the time I was 12, I was pretty sick of other people’s behavior.  I didn’t understand why people had to be so mean and bitchy.  Always the empathizer, I had befriended a girl named Jessie.  Jessie was really nice, but too desperate for approval and attention.  She could be annoying at times because she was trying too hard to be liked.  The popular girls were sometimes mean to her and often talked about her behind her back. 

I guiltily admit that at first I agreed with them and talked about her behind her back.  After all, she was pretty annoying at times.  But, I was also nice to her because that’s the kind of person I am.  As I got to know her better, I realized that she was a really nice person that had already had more than her fair share of hard times in her life.  As the other girls continued to say bad things about her, I stopped contributing to the conversations.  I couldn’t live with myself for being two-faced.  They continued talking about her and being mean to her.

Jessie would get very upset when the other girls were mean to her.  Although I had stopped talking about her, I finally got fed up and decided to do something about it.  I wish I could remember more about my thought process at the time.  Apparently I went to the school office and told them what was going on.  Next thing I know, I’m sitting in a room at a table with all of the girls involved, including Jessie, as well as the principal of the school.

The principal tried, unsuccessfully to engage in a conversation with us.  He ended up leaving the room to see if we could resolve it ourselves (I guess).  At this point, I took over what I now realize was an intervention and told the girls that yes, Jessie can be annoying at times, but it’s only because she is trying to be friends with all of you.  She’s really a nice person and there is no reason why you can’t be nice to her.  She’s never done anything to deserve meanness. 

And that was the end of Jessie’s troubles with those girls.  They stopped being mean to her and started being nice to her.  Now that they were being nice to her, she didn’t have to try so hard to be liked and therefore was less annoying and needy.  She was friends with some of those girls for years to come.  Jessie and I were good friends for the next 10 years.

An Epiphany 12 Years in the Making

I had a (negative) epiphany in the 7^th grade, when I was 12.  It seems like epiphanies are usually described as a positive event.  I remember the exact moment.  I was sitting in French class.  I realized I felt down.  And more importantly, I realized there was no one around me to notice, let alone do anything to cheer me up. 

This was a really depressing realization because I had spent a lot of time and energy in my life up until this point noticing when people weren’t happy and cheering them up.  I did it at home, probably as a survival mechanism.  I did it at school, with my friends.  And here I was, feeling down and realizing no one was going to return the favor. 

It was a devastating realization.  It was a turning point for me.  There was some switch in my brain that I consciously turned off.  I thought to myself, f^ck everyone.  I’m not going to keep giving if no one is going to give to me when I need it. 

Looking back, that was clearly the first significant sign of my depression, at age 12.  I was fed up with giving and not getting the same in return.  My family had sucked me dry.  I was emotionally depleted.