Pay Attention to…Something

Last night, I thought about what CremelloQuarterPony said in response to my last post.  She thinks I should pay attention to…something.  I guess that’s something only I might know…or figure out.  I’ve been thinking lately about the meaning of things.  I know that certain things mean something.  But does everything mean something?

What could I be paying more attention to?

Perhaps I should be paying more attention to my intuition.  I think that much is true.  I’ve lost track of how many times I have had great ideas, but did not have the confidence to follow through with them…and then I find out later that someone else thought of it and implemented it.  That’s been happening a lot with me – the part where my confidence wavers.  I usually just push myself through, but not always.

There is this one book I have been fixated on for months.  I used to have a copy of it.  It’s one of my favorite books.  There is now an updated version.  It’s a bit expensive, so I keep putting off purchasing it.  Then, every so often I hear something that makes me realize I was right in the beginning…this book contains some powerful knowledge that would benefit me at this point in time.  I hear experts touching on the theories in the book.  I don’t have the “extra” money to buy it, but the thought keeps nagging me.

Anyway, what I’m getting to is that I have NOT been paying enough attention to the opportunities in front of me…in my paid job.  I really like my job, but I have been seeking additional fulfillment outside of it.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  In fact, it’s been a great experience.  However, I need to focus on the reality of my current “venue” to fulfill my life’s purpose(s).  Part of me keeps slipping back to previous experiences where I am not “allowed” to grow.  At my last job, I was pretty much always penalized for taking initiative.  And I worked harder than I’ve ever worked to be told I wasn’t doing a good job.

I need to remember that I am in a different place.  I cannot allow negativity from the past to sabotage my current opportunities.

Intuition, Dreams, and Deja Vu

Over the last two days, I’ve stopped to take pictures of deer twice – once in my car and once on my bike.  Neither of the deer ran away.  They just let me take their pictures.  I thought it was a little strange, but I don’t claim to be an expert on deer behavior, let alone deer behavior in woods within urban environments.

My son asked why the deer was not scared.  I told him that deer, like people, have intuition.  Maybe that’s why.  The deer knew we didn’t want to hurt it.  I asked him if he knew what intuition was.  He proceeded to tell me about deja vu.  I’m not sure if that’s a totally related concept, but he’s only 11, so I didn’t take the conversation further. 

This morning, I woke myself up with a brief scream.  That NEVER happens.  My son had woken up with a similar scream the morning before.  He imagined he saw a HUGE spider.  In my dream, someone was holding a mouse by its tail right in front of me.  I don’t have anything against mice, but it startled me.

As I was getting ready for work, I looked out my back patio door and there was the mouse…right in plain view of the entryway.  I let my dogs in and out of that door throughout the day and hadn’t seen it when I’d let them out 30 minutes earlier.  One of my cats got out with them and must have brought me a present.

Anyway, it was just weird.  Not that I’ve ever seen a (dead) mouse, but it was kind of like that deja vu feeling, except I CLEARLY remember having that dream a few hours earlier.