An Intervention Conducted by a 12 Year Old

By the time I was 12, I was pretty sick of other people’s behavior.  I didn’t understand why people had to be so mean and bitchy.  Always the empathizer, I had befriended a girl named Jessie.  Jessie was really nice, but too desperate for approval and attention.  She could be annoying at times because she was trying too hard to be liked.  The popular girls were sometimes mean to her and often talked about her behind her back. 

I guiltily admit that at first I agreed with them and talked about her behind her back.  After all, she was pretty annoying at times.  But, I was also nice to her because that’s the kind of person I am.  As I got to know her better, I realized that she was a really nice person that had already had more than her fair share of hard times in her life.  As the other girls continued to say bad things about her, I stopped contributing to the conversations.  I couldn’t live with myself for being two-faced.  They continued talking about her and being mean to her.

Jessie would get very upset when the other girls were mean to her.  Although I had stopped talking about her, I finally got fed up and decided to do something about it.  I wish I could remember more about my thought process at the time.  Apparently I went to the school office and told them what was going on.  Next thing I know, I’m sitting in a room at a table with all of the girls involved, including Jessie, as well as the principal of the school.

The principal tried, unsuccessfully to engage in a conversation with us.  He ended up leaving the room to see if we could resolve it ourselves (I guess).  At this point, I took over what I now realize was an intervention and told the girls that yes, Jessie can be annoying at times, but it’s only because she is trying to be friends with all of you.  She’s really a nice person and there is no reason why you can’t be nice to her.  She’s never done anything to deserve meanness. 

And that was the end of Jessie’s troubles with those girls.  They stopped being mean to her and started being nice to her.  Now that they were being nice to her, she didn’t have to try so hard to be liked and therefore was less annoying and needy.  She was friends with some of those girls for years to come.  Jessie and I were good friends for the next 10 years.

Hungover From (Middle School) Speed Dating

Last night was “back to school night” at my son’s middle school.  There was another meeting beforehand that we attended, so we ended up spending more than 3 hours at the school.  I’ve been feeling unusually out of it all day today and it finally occurred to me that my brain is fried…because of last night!

After sitting through an hour-long meeting about an upcoming experiential learning program, we proceeded to go through our kid’s schedules, literally.  I’ve never tried speed dating, but that’s what I imagine it feels like, but 100 times worse.  At least with speed dating, there is mood lighting and alcohol involved.  To the contrary, back to school night didn’t so much as feature a single refreshment…of any kind.  Also, I needed to, um, use the bathroom, but didn’t know where they were, nor did I want to re-experience a middle school bathroom (do they still smell like cigarette smoke and hairspray…or was that high school?).  Plus, the night was so action-filled, there was no down time go to the bathroom.  I guess that’s why they didn’t offer us refreshments.

Anyway, we went through his 8 classes, spending just enough time in each class to relive the hellish experience we call the “US public school system.”  Except for two or three classes, the fluorescent lights were freaking blinding.  How many fluorescent light bulbs does one ceiling need?  Add sunglasses to the outstanding list of school supplies he needs.  Then there was “passing time,” where they gave us 4 minutes to get from one class to another.

It was a bloody obstacle course.  I wonder whose idea it was to stick various large “informational” tables in the hallways?  Each transition was stressful…it was like being caught on the Capitol Beltway during rush hour, except the traffic was stopping because of the tables that were in the way as well as people stopping to take in the scenery.  I had to laugh at one point when the people ahead of us stopped to greet someone they knew.  I’m not sure what country they were from, but it was a three-kiss culture.  Kiss one side of the cheek, then the other, then the first one again.  If they didn’t look so happy to see each other, I would have been irritated with them. 

I don’t know how kids make it through the day.  So much noise…time is going by too quickly…or worse, too slowly.  Trying to weave through unpredictable traffic in the hallways under time constraints.  And the worst part was the lights.  I am absolutely exhausted.  I feel kind of guilty for sending my son to school in that kind of environment.  I am lucky that I have an office…I never turn on the overhead fluorescent lights.  Instead, I have two lamps with fluorescent bulbs (at least they have shades so I don’t have to wear them) and a series of about 7 small halogen lights.  My office is very relaxing…and quiet!